Getting Married for the Second Time: Why You’re Really the First Choice

by | Mar 23, 2017

Getting a divorce is never in the cards when you first get married. If you get the chance to re-marry, it’s easy to feel the pressure of the past from both sides, especially if one of you has maintained some level of contact with your ex-spouses.

If this is you, perhaps you’ve found yourself questioning your worth versus what your spouse may place on their previous marriage. If they’ve chosen to have their ex present in the lives of their children, this can without doubt, place pressure and raise questions and where your place or role is in this “blended family.”

The key here is to know (and be reminded) that the choice for the future was you.

The following excerpt by Kate Chapman, a writer and professional life coach, offers great insight on how to keep the lines of communication open with your family and gives tips on how to best give your support as a new parent and spouse.

The most romantic statement Gabe ever made to me didn’t happen on our wedding day. He didn’t declare it at the base of the Eiffel tower, or pen it in a greeting card. The sentence caught me by surprise as we were out to dinner on a rare weeknight alone.


It was around the holidays, a particularly tough time for blended families. The mix of holiday hoopla and memory and grief is a tough one for parents and kids alike. We were no exception, and were feeling particularly banged up and bruised that night. Truthfully, we weren’t all that excited about going out, but felt like we should take advantage of our childless state and paint the town red. Or at least share a pizza.


We settled in to a corner table in a small Italian restaurant. It was busy that night, filled with kids and groups of friends celebrating together. We weren’t bothered; this wasn’t a real date night, after all.


We placed our order and began devouring the hot, pillow-soft dinner rolls. Too exhausted to talk about the comings and goings of our blended bunch, or what we had on our combined agenda for the rest of the week, we sat in silence.


Two butter-slathered rolls later, I was feeling more comfortable. I was remembering how much I love the tall blue-eyed guy seated across from me, and was ready to talk.


“Tell me a secret?” I asked.


Gabe responded by sharing the latest client deal news from work.


“That’s not a secret!” I exclaimed.


“It’s confidential,” he shot back, grinning.


Undeterred, I pressed on. “Tell me about that high school girlfriend you really loved. The one who’s overseas now.”

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