7 Ways Happy Couples Fight That Actually Make Them Stronger
The first mistake to ever make in an argument is when you each feel like opposing sides instead of a team with differing opinions. Your priority in a disagreement should be as follows: Stick with the main issue and keep accusatory or insulting talk OUT of the conversation. This is the very basis of conflict management and if done well, can make confronting issues between you and your spouse much easier in the future.
Conflict resolution can only happen if you’re each willing to find a solution by viewing it as a conversation instead of an attack.
Dr. Deborah McFadden, a professional marriage/couples counselor, has listed some great tips to live by in the following article:
Too often, couples begin to fall apart if they see any appearance of conflict in their marriages.
They may have been raised in homes where they never saw any form of discord, so they believe that their parents never had any disagreements.
Because conflict was so hidden from them, they never learned how to manage it.
However, in any relationship — and particularly in our marriages — it is important to recognize that conflict with another person is inevitable.
People will have differing points of view, or may feel hurt or slighted by another person, even if that person never intended for that to happen.
In order to have a healthy, functioning relationship, there must be a recognition that conflict will occur, and there needs to be a plan to manage conflict in a way that is as non-threatening as possible — with minimal to no damage done.
Fortunately, there are a number of ways to learn how to manage conflict when it occurs.
Let’s take a look at a few useful tactics that couples use to disagree in ways that help grow their relationship:
1. One way to manage conflict in a positive way is to approach it, rather than avoid it.
Those who successfully navigate conflict will talk about what the issues are, and do it in such a way as not to blame one another for how they feel or what they think.
They take responsibility for their own feelings and thoughts, and talk about how they feel related to the situation at hand.
Conversation is brought forth as soon as they are able, so as not to allow it to fester and become a bigger issue — or become an issue that is brought up over and over again.