Divorce Is Like Amputation
As writer Cassie Fox writes, “divorce is it’s a willful severing of a connection you once held as sacred.” This is a true statement of any separation, personal or business. In my experience, the hardest part of divorce is guiding clients on what to do on the “after,” trying to find the best methods to cope.
Each process is completely different, but they all involve the undoing of the “we” mentality, which for some, could actually be the best feeling. Take this time to embrace who you are and as time to discover new strengths and goals.
Not many people know I was married once before.
Whenever it comes up in conversation, I usually get reactions that range from mildly shocked to hugely incredulous. My husband and I have been together for a long time now — fifteen years — and I guess it’s hard for people to imagine me with anyone other than him.
I get that. It’s hard for me to imagine myself with anyone but him. Nevertheless, it is a thing that happened.
Once upon a long time ago, I felt like I loved somebody enough to marry them, and so I did. It lasted less than two years. Sometimes I call it my “starter marriage.” That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
The details really aren’t the important part. Maybe we just grew apart and I was the only one willing to say the words out loud. Maybe we were mismatched from the start. Maybe, probably, we were young and dumb and idealistic, playing house and playing at being adults, not seeing the ugly life lessons that were about to punch us directly in the heart.
Maybe we just wanted something that doesn’t even exist. Who really knows why we do anything we do when we’re blind to hindsight?
So there we were. The courthouse first, a party after, dancing to “Hotel California” while our friends pinned money to our clothes. Falling into bed at 3 AM, waking up five hours later on separate sides of the bed, me wondering even then what the hell I’d just done.
My family was furious but resigned, our friends mostly bemused. It was one day out of one month out of one year. I didn’t see what the big deal was either way, but I learned that you can’t live with a person, share a bed, share a life, and not have that not be, well… kind of a big deal.