Incorrect Expectations About Marriage Can Result in Divorce
Marriage myths are a dime a dozen, and we’ve all heard them. We are often told by family and friends how we should view marriage, what we should care about, and what we should prioritize. The fact is, marriage is complicated, and no seemingly simple solutions or recommendations are going to provide enough resources to establish a strong relationship. Below, relationship coach Kyle Benson lays out the four most common marriage myths and how they affect relationships.
As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t. It’s “common knowledge” that marriage kills sex, right?
What you believe about your relationship determines the relationship you end up with, and some of these common beliefs can be toxic. They lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is hopelessly going to go up in flames.
These myths ruin countless healthy relationships just because a couple believes there is something fundamentally wrong about it.
Active Listening Saves Marriages
According to Dr. John Gottman, active listening and conflict resolution in marriage don’t work. The research has shown that even after using active-listening techniques, couples were still distressed. The few couples who did benefit relapsed within a year.
Active listening requires Olympic-gold-medal-emotional performances. The idea expects you to swim in a pool of emotional criticism next to Michael Phelps. Even though Susan may do her best to hear Steve’s complaints, the person he is whining about isn’t a spectator in their marriage – it’s her husband – and behind all those “I” statements is her!
It’s not that validation, active listening, and “I statements” are useless. Dr. Gottman uses a modified version in his conflict blueprint, but the myth that all you need to do is to “fight better” or less frequently to save your marriage just isn’t scientifically proven.
“Even happily married couples can have screaming matches – loud arguments don’t necessarily harm a marriage.” – Dr. John Gottman
If you want to learn how to listen to each other and dialogue about your problems, then check out The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.