Triggers, Words, and Kids: Three Potentially Dangerous Factors of Divorce to Consider
Often times, the key to moving on from your divorce is to focus on the positive details of your circumstances. It’s healthy to lift yourself up by thinking and living optimistically. However, there are downsides to divorce, and ignoring those downsides can be extremely dangerous to your mental health and your emotional stability. Relationship coach and author David Wygant explains below the three main dangers of divorce and how to manage them effectively.
It certainly has its positives.
You no longer have to be with somebody who makes you feel the way you feel.
Look, we all know we’re responsible for our own feelings.
We all know we’re responsible for how we choose to feel.
But when you’re with somebody that you don’t love, that literally makes your skin crawl, it’s hard to choose feelings until you’re free.
The beauty of divorce is you get to go and learn all the lessons and get to really go out there and find the right person for you based on every lesson you’ve learned, so there’s some great positives about divorce.
But here are the dangers.
Danger number one: The triggers.
If you share kids with somebody, there are going to be these things called the marriage fights that will continue during the span of your lifetime or until the kids hit a certain age and you no longer have to communicate.
A lot of the times, because you are still connected, you don’t really have the time to really free yourself from that other person.
You see, when you break up with just a regular person or you don’t have children with somebody, you go through the grieving process.
You grieve, you get your mojo back, you get your feminine energy back, and then you back out there and date. You don’t talk to the person who you used to be with, who made you feel certain things, and who you knew was no longer good for you.
But, the problem with divorce is that you’re forced to have to stay in it literally until the children hit a certain age.
So you’ll have to do what? That’s the next danger of divorce.
Danger of divorce number two: The words.
The words that still sting, the words that still trigger you, the feeling of having to fight back and defend yourself. You see, you got divorced because the pattern of your relationship was just that. They would say something, you would react, and then you’d go down into that rabbit hole. That rabbit hole was defending yourself, getting into conversations that went absolutely nowhere with no solution at all.
What happens during that process is that you realize you’re no longer wanting to be together because you can’t make it work. Neither one of you is hearing the other person.
So what happens after divorce? Well, if you’re still connected via children, that same rabbit hole still exists, and that’s something you need to really learn how to avoid.
You need to avoid the rabbit hole, so you need to realize that the words or the dynamic or the way one of you was trying to control the other one, they no longer have that power.
A good a friend, who’s divorced, told me one. She told me that words are flower pedals. Just imagine them that way. Do not react to them. If they’re trying to pick a marriage fight after divorce, if they’re trying to continue in the same dynamic, you need to ignore because you don’t need to answer to them at all any more.
The only answers you need and the only conversations you need to have are when you’re going to pick up the kids, talking about the kids’ school, the kids’ health, and that’s about it.
And that leads to dangers of divorce number three.